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{ Sunday, December 16, 2007 }

8:55 AM | link

I've been working on our registry. The whole idea of a registry goes against the principles we've been trying to live by—consume only what you need, buy new as the last option, etc. But we realized that even if you try to do it simply, you do need a significant amount of stuff for a baby.

So I made a list of priorities for us as we build our registry:
  1. Can something else serve this purpose?
  2. Buy locally made. If that's not possible, buy locally available. If that's not possible, buy fair-trade.
  3. Buy organic and/or natural (non-synthetic) materials.
I've been sticking to the locally available and organic/natural guidelines pretty well, but it sure is easy to get wrapped up in what people say you "need" for a baby. I mean, do you really need that many different types of linens for an 8-pound human? Wash cloths, burp cloths, receiving blankets, swaddling blankets, and on and on. Maybe you do—I guess I won't really know til I get there. And so I'm probably going a little overboard and putting things on the registry you can live without pretty easily.

So here's my pledge to anyone out there who's actually interested in all this anti-affluenza pregnancy talk: As I discover what you actually do need versus what's just nice-to-have, I'll share that here. I'm sure it's different for every baby and their parents, but at least it will be a starting point.

And if you know of a knowledge base like that already out there, please let me know!

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{ Wednesday, December 05, 2007 }

6:39 AM | link

As of today, I am 7 months pregnant! Wow.

I could have this baby anywhere from 9 to 14 weeks from now. What I really want to be doing is getting our house ready, working on our registry, and mentally preparing myself for the work of labor. But we're hosting two (!) holiday parties this weekend, I'm helping to coordinate two groups adopting families in need for the holidays, and we have two of our own Salvation Army angels to shop for. I did this to myself, I know. And it's one of the things I love about the holidays—the crazy busyness.

But I should have been more protective of my time because I feel a wee little breakdown peeking its head around the corner at me every couple of days. I'm so busy I don't even have time to get my celebratory turned-another-month-milestone massage this weekend! There's something not right about that, huh?

But I know I'll get through it. In a couple weeks, it's going to be all baby prep all the time. I promise.

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{ Sunday, December 02, 2007 }

9:46 AM | link

Oh goodness. I haven't posted since March? Shame on me. I have been thinking about this site a lot lately and how I really enjoy posting. So I'm going to try to post more often again.

First, an update: A lot has changed this year. I'm pregnant and due early March/late February next year. My 18-year-old niece is living with us while she goes to her first year of college. My sister passed away unexpectedly in February. This baby growing in my belly is due to join this world on my sister's birthday. I know babies rarely come on their due dates, but regardless of when she shows up, I feel that this baby's life will honor my sister's memory. And yes, our baby is a girl.

I am so incredibly excited and happy and scared about becoming a mother. But sometimes, it's felt bittersweet given what all has happened this year.

I was thinking about my sister last night during dinner. I don't think about her much these days because I'm keeping myself very busy with preparing our house and our lives for a baby. But sometimes, I can't quite keep myself busy enough and it sneaks up on me, like last night.

We were talking about the holidays and what we could send family. Since I left for college 11 years ago, I haven't stayed in close contact with my family. There are some good reasons for that, which I think resulted in me growing up to be a stronger, healthier person. But the offshoot is that I didn't stay in close contact with some family I wish I would have, including my sister and her children.

So I was thinking of sending some goodies home with my niece when she goes back for Christmas to share with her sisters and brothers. And then it hit me—my sister won't be around this Christmas. She always cooked so much food. Like for an army. Seriously. But she won't be there to do that. And at Jason's Deli while eating my baked potato with no bacon no chives easy on the cheese, I couldn't hold the tears back. I didn't sob out loud, but I'm sure those poor Jason's Deli employees who walked by noticed the tears streaming down my face. I haven't cried about her in a couple of months, so it took me by surprise (and Erik, I'm sure).

I want her back. I want to tell her I'm sorry. Whenever I'm alone and I think of her now, I say to her out loud that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I'm sorry for not being there for her. I'm sorry I can't ever have a closer relationship with my sister again. I lost my chance.

I started attending a loss of sibling support group last Thursday. Which is probably why things are coming up for me again. But it was good for me. The counselor said something that keeps repeating itself in my head. None of us think today is going to be our last day. We always think we'll have more time to do x, y, or z. But sometimes you don't.

This was hard for me to hear. There are many things in life I want to accomplish, and I always assume I'll have tomorrow to get to them. Kind of like how I always assumed I could rekindle my relationship with my sister.

So promise me this: If there's a person in your life who you wish you were closer to, give them a call or drop them an email today. If you had a stupid fight or just fell out of contact with them, none of that will matter when the time has run out.

This reminds me of something Ann Richards' granddaughter Lily Adams said when Richards passed away. She was recalling her grandmother's advice to her and her siblings and cousins:
"This is your life. It is the only one you get. So no excuses and no do-overs. If you make a mistake or fail at something, you learn from it, you get over it, and you move on. Your job is to be the very best person you can be and to never settle for anything less."
Well said, Ann.